FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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