She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
