haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i love accidental penises.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
