What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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