Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is it because I queefed?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
