you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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