why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
