you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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