just come out here and I will go home with you...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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