is your mom at the bar?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
