The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Mom said you looked used
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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