Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
