Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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