i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
