Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
