how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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