SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
