We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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