Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
