Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
