You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
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my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.