woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube