I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
