she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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