I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
