i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
