I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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