I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
