guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
