She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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