So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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