i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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