we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
