I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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