so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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