Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
