I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
