I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
