Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
