This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
