i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
