There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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