You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
