we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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