He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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