Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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