Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
