upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
