My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
