There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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