Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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