I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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