I wish my penis had an off switch
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I will be naked everywhere
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
