"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
