I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
