What did we do last night that was yellow?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
