Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
