TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
