I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So much rum. So many feels.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
