I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
