can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
