I CAN MOONWALK!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
