New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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