I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
