just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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