i may or may not be watching the land before time
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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