I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
