I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
