How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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