Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
