I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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