Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
